The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize