Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
