god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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