Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
if only i could text you this smell
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
