Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
