she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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