i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Fuck appropriateness.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
