he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
