he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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