Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
