Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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