stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize