I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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