I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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