Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize