i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
