There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
