So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
