I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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