All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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