dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
