I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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