Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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