My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
