I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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