I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize