I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
