Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize