I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
