I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
