Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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