dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
