YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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