as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
