i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
