Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
