She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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