I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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