So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
