Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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