No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
