Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
