imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize