My room smells like vodka and shame
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
