i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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