I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize