Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
