I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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