Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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