I'm gonna have a badass scar
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize