Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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