I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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