so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
