Your tits are I can't wait for
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize