Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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