If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
