Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
