Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My vagina just recognized that song.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
