I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
