the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
