He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
