So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
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