Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
