He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
