Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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