I accidentally had phone sex last night
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
