dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
