Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
