I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
