Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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