Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
