I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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