i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
