You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
