i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
