I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
