hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
