I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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