Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

i just saw a foot job.

(925): View more from California

porn is incredible...

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(708): View more from Illinois

I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.

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(478): View more from Georgia

So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking

(404): View more from Georgia

how did that work out?

(478): View more from Georgia

Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?

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(309): View more from Illinois

He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.

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(207): View more from Maine

I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.

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