Ambien. No doubt about it.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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