just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I can text with my tongue
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
