You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
