Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
