Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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