Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
