I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
