my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
