It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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