I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
