He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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