alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
