Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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