And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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