I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
