Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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