I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
