Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize