this boner is exhausting
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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