38 yer olds are good kisserssss
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
