rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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