Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
