This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
