3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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