Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Shame - the story of my life.
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