I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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