But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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