did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
