His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
