I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
