Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
