Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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