is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
