I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
