Pregnant stripper...not hot.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
