a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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