i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
