Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
