3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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