put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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