My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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