Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
