he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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